


over & over again.

by winniewinko



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Fluff, Historical Inaccuracy, Homophobia, Immortality, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, My First AO3 Post, No Smut, Reincarnation, idk anymore, small caps intended, taeil is immortal, title taken from a song by nathan sykes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:28:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26677438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winniewinko/pseuds/winniewinko
Summary: at this point, taeil should’ve give up already, but he’s sure there must be a reason fate kept bringing them back together like this. that there must be a reason why he’s immortal, and why he kept seeing sicheng’s reincarnations in the chinese’s every life(s).he hoped fate wasn’t that cruel for doing this just to break taeil’s heart over and over again.
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Moon Taeil, Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny, hinted kunten - Relationship, mild dowin, mild jaewin, mild luwin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 27





	over & over again.

**Author's Note:**

> winil makes me soft so here ya go!!  
> no proofread we die like men

taeil was born on 14th june 1321.

it was around the century moon cakes were invented. which is a coincidence, because his name is moon taeil – but anyways, the 14th century was a dark time. taeil couldn’t remember anything much except for the deadly pandemic at that time, which is known as ‘the black death’. it happened in 1346, when he was 25, and ended seven years later. 

his parents both died because of the plague but he strangely survived. it was devastating for him, so taeil decided to move, far away from his old home. he moved from his small town to seoul, but was named hanyang back then.

there – he met a beautiful man who was three years younger.

dong sicheng was his name. he’s beautiful, almost feminine, but also masculine at the same time. it’s obvious how pretty he was outside – with his long lashes, plump lips, doe eyes, elf-like ears that taeil loves to death – but he was prettier inside. that, was what made taeil fell in love for him.

sicheng was a simple man. he loved sweet things, he loved to dance, and he was afraid of almost everything. not cats, though. he had a lot of cats and taeil had found this very endearing. after all, cat people are always trustworthy.

they were also neighbours, so when taeil would hang out in his porch and read a book, sicheng would come over and disturb his inner peace. taeil didn’t mind.

“ taeil hyung ,” sicheng sings. his foreign accent is mild, but noticeable, and taeil adores it. “ it is a lovely day today. why would one bore himself with reading literary when he could go out and explore? the nature is indeed very peaceful yet more interesting than some ink on papers .”

taeil chuckled to himself and shook his head. this idiot, of course he’d say that, today was taeil’s birthday. but sicheng was right, it was a beautiful summer day and taeil would’ve been a fool to decline his invitation.

so they went on a walk. being with sicheng was natural, he thought – because they didn’t have to say anything to communicate. they could just bask in each other’s warmth under the sunshine and smile at each other when their hands brushed. being with sicheng was as simple as that.

aside from cats, sicheng adored flowers. his favourite was lilies, for had he technically worshipped the colour white. taeil thought it suited him very well. white, simple yet breath-taking. so sicheng didn’t think twice to halt in his steps after seeing a field full of them. 

“ hyung! look at those !”

“ are not they your favourite, sichengie ?”

“ yes, hyung! they are so beautiful. I wish I could have a field like this in my lawn, too .” 

his eyes were shiny, elf-ears perked up in interest. it’s wholesome, how could someone be so passionate towards something so ordinary, in this big, cruel world. taeil can’t believe he fell deeper for sicheng, for what it deemed impossible, but he did.

taeil smiled and took one of the flowers. he tucked it behind sicheng’s left ear – and he didn’t miss the way it reddens. staring at the older with a blank look, sicheng’s lips fell agape.

“ hyu – hyung ?”

“ they are prettier on you .” taeil grinned.

“ you are being ridiculous .”

despite saying that, sicheng kept the flower behind his ear on the rest of his journey. taeil also took his hand and hooked their fingers together, to find no sort of resistance from sicheng. 

on his 34th birthday, taeil had finally found enough courage within himself to confess his undying love for the younger. it was a normal sunday night, the breeze cold and refreshing with the sky clear as a canvas, and it reminded taeil so much of him.

they had walked together that night to sicheng’s house. taeil didn’t want to wait until they get there before he confess, because sicheng’s parents were, well, homophobic. sicheng, though, had always been a very simple person and told taeil he didn’t think being in love was wrong, so taeil felt more confident in telling him. 

“ sichengie .”

“ yes, hyung ?”

“ it is getting dark ,” taeil nodded his chin towards the sky. “ but a little stargazing would not hurt, am I right ?”

“ I suppose .”

“ would you take the honour to stargaze with me ?”

sicheng paused. his parents were strict, but this was taeil’s birthday, so he smiled and nodded. “ well, I am giving you the honour to be my stargazing partner, hyung .”

“ very well, sichengie .”

“ with one condition ?”

“ condition? on my birthday ?” taeil pretended to frown. “ I am afraid it is too impolite .”

“ oh, my deepest and sincerest apologies, my good sire, for I have been very rude, but this is the only way you are going to have me as your stargazing date .”  
taeil loved how ‘partner’ turned to ‘date’.

“ what is it, my dear ?”

“ you have to race me there .”

with that, sicheng winked – and was gone as fast as lightning. taeil watched as he bolted towards the hill, dumb-founded, and a grin broke on his face when he finally processed the situation. sicheng’s soul was youthful and pure; he loved it.

when taeil reached the top of the hill, sicheng was there with his back on him, admiring the night view with a fond look. his doe eyes illuminated the stars while his smile was like the crescent-moon and taeil thought this was his favourite view in the whole world.

“ took you long enough, moon taeil .”

taeil chuckled and shook his head as he stood beside sicheng. the younger smelt like warm milk and cookies, and lots of lilies. “ my deepest apologies. I am afraid my lumbago is holding me back .”

“ you did not make a pun .” sicheng giggled, and it was smoother than the night breeze.

“ I did ,” he smiled and turned to the moon. “ you are right, sicheng. there’s beauty in simplicity .”

“ have you not ever heard? brevity is the soul of wit, hyung .”

taeil had indeed never heard, and he was quite shocked for sicheng to say something that required brain-cells for one, because the younger didn’t like to study or read. he loved to explore and learn about the world around him on his own.

“ that is a genius saying, sicheng .”

“ why, thank you, hyung. I hope you will not underestimate me after this .” sicheng smiled. his tone was joking, like it was a light-hearted joke, but taeil noticed the sadness in it.

“ underestimate you? sicheng, I had never .”

“ yeah, well, maybe not necessarily you .”

taeil frowned. “ someone was looking down on you ?”

“ maybe .” sicheng averted his gaze. he looked distant, like he’s thinking of something. “ it does not matter .”

“ it does. I could not stand anyone who dare to look down on my favourite stargazing partner .”

“ but, sire, this is our first time stargazing together .”

“ I do not think it will be the last .”

“ neither do I .” sicheng looked up and flashed a grin. taeil’s heart palpitated.

“ I am flattered ,” he said. “ but you still have to tell me who had been looking down on you .”

“ what if I told you they are my parents ?”

taeil didn’t feel surprised. just disappointed, but he should’ve seen it coming. he took sicheng’s hand in his and gave it a light squeeze, earning a sad smile from the younger.

“ they wished I was at least a bit like you. smart, witty, great in literary and all that. they do not approve of my freedom .”

“ I am sorry, sichengie .”

“ do not be sorry for something you have no control over .”

“ still, I am sorry ,” he guided sicheng’s head towards him. “ you are smart, and witty. do not let others determine your worth .”

“ but, hyung, I am not worthy. did you not hear? the yeh family had rejected my mother’s proposal of marrying me and their oldest daughter because I am illiterate .”

“ your ability to read does not define your worth. your intelligence does not, either. you do, and you are very worthy, my dear. you are my treasure .”

“ hyung, will I die alone ?” sicheng asked out of the blue. “ this is the fourth time someone declined to marry me. am I cursed, hyung? to die with no one by my side ?”

“ of course not .” taeil shook his head and squished sicheng's hand harder. _I’m here._ “ you look upset. was the daughter of the yeh family very lovely ?”

“ she was fine. but it didn’t have to be her. I want someone… to be with me .”

“ anyone ?” _I’m here, sicheng._

“ maybe not just anyone, but someone who could make me feel happy and safe and enjoy being free with me, and love me because who I am .”

“ I am here .” taeil blurted out loud this time, too fast and clear to take it back.

sicheng blinked. the blood in his veins rushed to his face, making him look like a giant tomato, and taeil would’ve think it was adorable if his own face didn’t look the very same.  
“ hyung …”

taeil decided there’s no going back. “ I love you, sicheng ,” he said. “ irrevocably so. I have always been in love with you, from the moment I lied my eyes on you .”

“ lo – love ?” sicheng parroted. to him, love was an exotic word – so unique, dangerous, exciting and terrifying all at the same time. poor boy never get to experience love, no matter how much he pours it into this world, and taeil thought it’s time to change that.

“ yes, sichengie. I want to spend the rest of my life, and all my other lives, with you, if you let me to .”

“ are you sure, hyung ?”

“ I have never been surer, sicheng. I love you .”

“ if then ,” sicheng pauses, his lips crooking a warm grin. “ I love you too, hyung .”

that was the first. it was sweet and warm being with sicheng, like taking a bath in a tub full of honey and milk. they had to tiptoe and sneak around to meet each other a lot of times but none of them cared – especially when being with the other is pure bliss for them.

unfortunately, things went out, in the worst way imagined.

it was a lazy friday. sicheng was resting his head on taeil’s shoulder as the older read a book in peace, peppering kisses on his boyfriend’s forehead every once in a while that the chinese will whine and push him away. it only made taeil kiss him on the lips, though.

“ ilie ,” sicheng said after they pull back, in need for air. “ I love you .”

taeil looked at his boyfriend as if the younger grew another head. don’t get him wrong, it’s just that sicheng never said or did something sweet first, it’s always taeil, so hearing the three words for the second time brought the butterflies in his stomach back to life.

“ darling, I love you too .”

“ no, you do not get it. I could not live without you .”

before taeil could respond, the front door yanked open and revealed an angry-looking sicheng’s father, and his mother who trailed behind him, crying for him to stop whatever he’s going to do, but it was too late. he grabbed taeil, pushing sicheng away in the process, and punched him in the face.

“ you fucking fag! I knew I could not trust such a bastard like you .”

taeil’s face soon felt numb. his vision grew weak, but his hearing seemed to improve – because he could hear sicheng’s soft pleas and cries, begging for his father to stop it; which the older replied to in chinese, but he sounded very pissed off about it, and might had harmed his own son, too. the thought made taeil angry. he wanted to get up and stop him from hurting his beloved sicheng, but he was too weak.

“ stop ,” sicheng’s mother pulled him back. “ stop it, monster! stop it, you are only making things worse. for the love of god, stop it .”

“ shut the fuck up. if you raised him right, I would not have to deal with all of this bullshit .” he pushed her away before he yanked sicheng by his collar. the chinese was sobbing, his face a beautiful red, wet mess; and taeil hated it. “ pack all of your things, you pathetic disgrace. we are leaving the town in an hour .”

“ but father –“

“ no fucking buts, asshole, we are leaving and you would never see this fag again, do you hear me ?”

he was right. sicheng left with the last heartbroken glance at taeil, and after that, they never met again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

in 1949, did taeil discovered he was actually immortal.

he should’ve been 628 years old by then, which is completely insane and irrational for a normal human being, but he didn’t look like it. not a single wrinkle, no white hair, nothing. he looked forever 25, and decided to use it as his age whenever someone asks.

the years had crawled by. not a single day went by without him thinking about a certain man, of how he was after he left, if he lived a better life or not. he couldn’t help but to think of sicheng’s _I couldn’t live without you_ – because whilst taeil is immortal, the love of his life might not be.

he never fell in love again after sicheng. it has always been the chinese, so he’s never attracted to anyone else after he left. a lot of people said it’s a shame, considering that he’s very good-looking and smart, but taeil thought it’s a shame he couldn’t be with sicheng.

that is – until he saw him again.

it was unbelievable, but there’s no mistaking his lover’s face. the youngest prince of the king and his mistress was dong sicheng, the one and only, but taeil was heartbroken to know he doesn’t remember taeil. he didn’t even know him, which indicated this sicheng was a reincarnation of his past lover, not the exact same one – but he fell in love all over again.

taeil is dedicated, especially when it comes to sicheng. it wasn’t very hard to waltz his way into the castle; especially with his excellent sword skills, intelligence, and charming grin. the king’s mistress, madam hua, took a liking in him from the very first glance and decided to take him as her son’s bodyguard, which was a very big win for taeil.  
quite unfortunately, this prince sicheng wasn’t the same with his boyfriend sicheng. he’s elegant and mysterious, from the way he dances to the way he talks, but also a bit dense and serious all the time. the youthful soul was gone.

he spent most of his time at the royal library, and this meant taeil had to be there, too. while he appreciated he could read whatever he wanted, and don’t get him wrong, he really loves reading – but he got plenty of time for that. 

for sicheng, though, he doesn’t know how much time they’ve got, so he needs to make the best out of it.

“ my, young prince dong ,” taeil hummed as he took a book from a shelf and flipped through the pages. it was only half-heartedly because he focused on the prince, who concentrated on his book on the wooden table. sicheng always pout when he reads and it’s adorable. “ you are too dense for your age, don’t you think? someone clever once told me, why would one bore himself with reading literary when he could go out and explore? at your age, you should quench your youthful thirst, not boring yourself with some ink on papers .”

the royal library was huge and painted in a light shade of yellow and white for most parts. large wooden bookshelves and tables filled the cube-shaped room, and a few flowers are hung by the window as decorations.

taeil notices there’s lilies, too, and it brought a smile to his face. 

sunlight made their way inside through the wide opened windows, and sicheng’s brown eyes with little golden specks in them illuminated the shine beautifully. the wind brushed against his honey-hued hair and his sun-kissed skin shivers slightly under his blue silk hanbok. call him biased, but taeil thought it looked like a scene from a movie, while sicheng looked like those people you only read in poems.

no, sicheng’s the reason why poem is invented.

sicheng grunted. “ ilie hyung, with due respect, reading isn’t boring and I prefer ink on papers so much more than having mud in my shoes and being chased by wild geese. or dogs. dogs are terrifying .”

“ the royal dogs are very tame and adorable, your majesty .”

“ are they? I wouldn’t know ,” sicheng scrunched his nose. “ you know I prefer cats over dogs at any day .”

taeil smiled. sicheng never changed.

“ if you don’t want mud in your shoes, or geese chasing you, at least please eat something. we’ve been in this library for hours since breakfast, and one could only read so many things before his stomach needs something to digest .”

sicheng would’ve refute if his stomach didn’t demonstrate a whale’s call as if on cue. seeing taeil’s victory smirk, he pouted yet gathered his things and stood up. he sent taeil a glare before he went out towards the kitchen’s direction. the older chuckled to himself and followed.

since it’s still only ten, the kitchen is empty. no maids or guards were in sight, and taeil felt relieved. whenever he’s with sicheng they’ll throw him some dirty looks, although he knew they won’t dare to mess with him, because madam hua took him under her wings.

“ are you gonna stand there ,” sicheng said and popped taeil’s fantasy bubbles. “ or are you gonna get me something to eat ?”

“ pardon, your majesty ?” 

“ well, you can’t expect me to get my own food, plus you’re the one who asked me to eat !”

taeil stared at him in disbelief, and laughed again. his laugh was light like the passing wind and if sicheng didn’t mistaken, his heart skipped a brief beat for unknown reasons. this was bizarre.

“ right, I beg for your apology, your majesty. do you mind waiting while I fix you something ?”

sicheng huffed. “ fine, but don’t take long .”

the young prince sat at the backyard porch while he waited. it was windy, not quite sunny, but sicheng liked the weather. since it was currently august, the atmosphere felt damp and the grass also felt a bit wet under his socks.

he crooked a smile. lifting his chin up towards the blue sky, he hummed a familiar rhythm – one of which he’s unsure where he heard it from. but it was very prominent in his head, like it used to be his favourite song in his past life.

meanwhile, taeil who was cutting some vegetables froze. he’s sure the soft hum belongs to sicheng, and while he’s used to the prince’s sweet vocals, he didn’t expect sicheng to sing the song taeil wrote for him 628 years ago.

the butterflies in his stomach were once again alive. 

it’s silly, really. maybe it didn’t mean anything to sicheng but taeil felt like he could cry. his breathe hitched in his throat, feeling strange warmth in his chest, as suddenly memories of him and sicheng came rushing in like a wave.

he dropped the knife with a loud thud and sunk his head into his palms, alarming sicheng.

“ ilie hyung ?” the younger turned to the kitchen. “ are you okay? do you need help ?”

the urge to cry became even stronger when he heard the genuine concern laced in sicheng’s voice. “ I’m – I’m fine, your majesty. I’ll be done in a while .”

“ okay… take your time, hyung .”

as opposed to his words, sicheng’s stomach growled again. there’s a pregnant pause before both of them busted into laughter, and if taeil was there with him, sicheng’s sure he could see how red his face was. well, he tried to be considerate but his stomach failed him.

“ did you really mean it, young prince ?”

“ I can’t help it, it smells good !” sicheng whined and pouted. “ but I meant it… take your time, really .”

taeil stopped laughing and a sad smile left his lips. he picked the knife up and continued to do his work, despite the warm flashbacks of them (sicheng back-hugging him when he cooked, both singing their song in perfect synchronisation) playing over and over again in his mind like a broken cassette.

after half an hour, taeil went out and settled himself beside the prince. sicheng eyed the bowl in his hands and his eyes immediately sparkled up when he recognized the food as his favourite, steamed beef buns. he wasted no time and grabbed one, and shoved it into his mouth, ignoring how it burned the tip of his tongue. taeil grinned and pinched the younger’s cheek. it earned him a glare, but he wasn’t fazed at all. swallowing the remaining bits down his oesophagus, he took another one – but instead of eating it, he handed it to taeil.

“ here, take this .”

“ but your majesty, these are yours .” taeil pointed out.

“ and I’m giving it to you ,” sicheng replied. “ take it .”

“ it’s okay, I’m not hungry …”

sicheng deadpanned him. “ you didn’t eat breakfast, you liar ,” he said, and took taeil’s hand, placing the bun on the guard’s palm. “ take it, hyung. you don’t have to feel bad. just… eat with me .” sicheng’s voice dropped and he looked away. “ I don’t like eating alone .”

a pause. taeil blinked and processed sicheng’s words before his lips spread into a smile. it was too endearing, especially when he got to see another side of prince dong sicheng, who was usually tough and smart and prefers to be alone. 

“ I feel like I learn a lot about you today .”

“ oh, really ?” sicheng said in between bites. he swallowed then continued, “ like what ?”

“ well, your eyes shine when you see food, like a child .”

sicheng pouted. “ hey, people whose eyes don’t shine when they see food are psychos, I tell you .”

“ you like cats more than dogs .”

“ I do ,” the younger nodded this time. “ though my favourite animal are chicks .”

“ why ?”

“ they’re yellow and soft and round. squishy. like, I wanna squish them to death –“

taeil laughed. “ maybe not, your majesty. you don’t want their mothers to chase you .”

“ god, you’re right. maybe not .” 

“ I also learnt you do have a heart ,” taeil smiled. “ it’s quite a surprise to see your empathy .”

in most cases, sicheng would’ve feel offended and scold taeil or sulk, but he didn’t. instead he grinned and nudged taeil on the ribs, “ what do you mean, hyung? people say I have a heart made of gold .”

both of them erupt into laughter. the wind was blowing a bit harder by now, and sicheng had to tuck a few strand of stray hair away from his face. aside that, the sun shone brighter, and the tiny specks in sicheng’s life was more prominent by now, making it seems like he had golden eyes. taeil wanted to capture the view.

when the laughter died down, sicheng turned to taeil. his expression was hesitant, almost nervous, like he’s about to tell taeil something he’d regret. taeil admitted, it makes his stomach churned.

“ there’s another thing you have to learn …”

“ oh ?” taeil lifted a brow. “ what would it be, my prince ?”

“ that I – I’m in love with you .”

a pregnant pause. silence hung thick in the atmosphere, not even the soft melodies of birds could be heard, as if the world was also caught off guard with sicheng’s confession. the wind was softer by now, blowing sicheng’s hair away from his beautiful face and taeil’s heart skipped another beat.

really, it’d be stupid of him not to reply when sicheng was the first one to confess, when he had waited centuries to be with the younger again. but this time was different. sicheng was a prince, and he had a country to rule when he’s older and there was just too much at stake.

but who was taeil to decline the young prince?

he took sicheng’s hands in his own and crooked a grin. “ for how long ?”

“ from the first time I saw you …” sicheng’s cheeks went scarlet. it’s beautiful, reminded taeil of his favourite shirt sicheng liked to wear in 1350. “ you’re very good-looking, hyung, have I told you that ?”

“ you have now .”

“ I guess I do. but that wasn’t all. at first I tried to dislike you, because my mother suddenly assigned you to be my bodyguard and took my freedom away from me but …”

“ but ?”

“ but you’re hard to hate, hyung. you’re very kind, in a very genuine way. usually people are only kind to me because I’m the king’s son but you didn’t even know it at first. I still remember how we met, how you called me by my name like we’re peers or something .”

it was taeil’s turn to blush. he rubbed his nape, chuckling. “ don’t remind me. I’m deeply sorry for being rude .”

“ no, don’t be ,” sicheng squished his hand and smiled. “ that’s the reason I fell for you .”

“ I don’t expect to hear something so sweet coming out from you .”

“ you still haven’t answered me, hyung ,” there was seriousness on sicheng’s face that taeil didn’t dare to make another joke. “ I… really love you .”

“ haven’t you heard, sicheng ?” taeil smiled and leaned in. “ brevity is the soul of wit .”

with that, taeil grabbed the prince’s nape and kisses him. sicheng’s body stiffened under his touch, since it was his first kiss, but he was quick to relax and give in. the prince cupped taeil’s face and returned the kiss, in a rather slow and steady pace leaving taeil craving for more.

his lips felt the same as he remembered. there’s a tinge of strawberry taste in his mouth, and it smelt like mint, with just a hint of the buns they had earlier. kissing sicheng is like an explosion of flavours and taeil loved it, basked in it.

when they part for the need of oxygen, sicheng flashed a sweet smile, his tiny dimples on sight. the wind suddenly became too quiet yet too loud, and all taeil could hear was sicheng’s soft giggle when he left a quick peck on taeil’s left cheek, amuse with how the older’s face turned red afterwards. loving sicheng was pure, youthful – and taeil couldn’t ask for more.

“ I remember kissing you ,” sicheng quirked a brow. “ why do I remember kissing you ?”

taeil pinched his cheek and smile. “ maybe we were lovers in our past life .”

_a year later._

he was right. taeil knew he didn’t have much time with sicheng, and as much as he liked to say being in love secretly for an entire year was enough, it wasn’t. in fact, it was never nearby enough and it only left him wanting for more.

but as he said, there was stakes with being in love with the prince. when the southern and northern part of the country declared a war among themselves, the king had decided to send his finest men out to war; taeil himself included. he was fine with it as he’s an immortal, yet his lover was very devastated.

“ please write at least once a month ,” sicheng had cried when he clung to taeil’s shirt the last night they spent together. taeil can’t believe he still looked beautiful with tears streaming down his cheeks. “ no, no. write at least once a week .”

so taeil did. the war was hectic, the military base no less, but he found time for his lover. sicheng always wrote back, sometimes two letters come at once, sometimes three. taeil kept all of his letters.

he found an acquaintance there. a friend, even. taeil hadn’t any friends since 1338, so he was pretty awkward at first, but youngho’s a great man. he’s very suave and friendly, and has a great humour.

“ taeil, my man ,” youngho came to their tent that night with a very bright grin on his face and slapped taeil’s shoulder. the armies had a different way of joking around. “ another letter from sicheng. you’re one lucky man, do you know that ?”

taeil thanked him and he sat across the table. despite only lounging around in the tent, he noticed youngho still looked alert, as if he’s ready to get up and grab his gun at any second given. the night was quiet, and five guards were on duty, but they couldn’t be too sure. taeil hated war, he couldn’t see the point in it, but he’s grateful to have youngho. 

he’s about to rip the letter when youngho spoke, “ have I told you of taeyong ?”

“ you have .” taeil nodded. a lot of times. youngho simply couldn’t shut up when it came to taeyong.

“ I was thinking ,” youngho adjusted his position so he faced taeil. “ I’d marry him when I get out .”

“ that’s great. you should, if any of your stories are true .”

youngho laughed and tapped his fingers on the table. “ of course they are, my man, I wouldn’t lie to you .”  
taeil prayed for youngho’s safety, so he could make his dreams come true and marry his fiancé. taeyong, from what he heard from youngho (thought it might be biased), was a nice man who looked like an angel. it reminded taeil of his lover, so he wasted no time to open the letter.

a frown decorated his face when he did. at first he was skeptical, since sicheng had never wrote him twice a week, but his instincts were proven right.

_“ my deepest apologies, my beloved, dearest ilie hyung ,”_ it had written, with wet spots looking like tears smudges. _“ for I have been betrothed to marry the first prince of the neighboring kingdom, prince kim .”_

taeil’s heart broke into pieces.

three years and two days later, the war unofficially ended. it was traumatic for taeil, for he had seen so many brave soldiers die before his very own eyes, but he was glad youngho make it. and when they got to the train station, taeyong was there.

youngho was right, he definitely looked like an angel, especially when he jumped into his fiancé’s embrace, tears on the edge of his green eyes. taeil smiled at the view.

“ there, there, tyong ,” youngho put the man back on his feet, slinging an arm over him with the brightest grin taeil had ever seen so far, and left a peck on the top of taeyong’s head. “ sweetheart, this is taeil hyung and hyung, this is the angel I told you about .”

taeyong’s face grew red and he hit youngho’s broad chest, mumbling something like a cuss under his breathe, and his fiancé only laughed. he turned back to taeil with a smile kin to a model’s.

“ it’s great to finally see you, hyung. youngho told me about you in many of his letters, and I want to thank you for taking care of him .”

“ it’s my pleasure too, taeyong, and you hadn’t have to, because youngho is very low-maintance .”

“ please, I beg to differ, hyung .”

the three laughed, though youngho pretended to sulk over his fiancé’s words at first. he turned his attention to taeil once again after taeyong tiptoed and kissed his nose. “ hyung, would you care to join us for dinner? as a token of my gratitude .”

“ oh ,” taeil paused. “ I’m so sorry, but I must return now. maybe some other time ?”

“ that’s a shame .” taeyong pouted.

“ oh, right, he has a certain person waiting for him ,” youngho smirked. “ but there better be another time, hyung .”

taeil’s smile died down at the mention of sicheng. whilst he had been looking forward to return to his sicheng, he didn’t want to come back to someone else’s fiancé. but he had no other choices.

unlike youngho, taeil was picked up by the royal carriagge. there wasn’t sicheng in sight, like he expected, but there was madam hua. she had greeted him with a motherly hug that he hadn’t feel for so long and he felt like breaking down at the spot. he didn’t.

when he went back to the castle, though, he almost did once again. because he could see sicheng, his beautiful sicheng, grinning very brightly at another man, whom taeil didn’t recognize, but from the sparks in both of their eyes taeil knew it was sicheng’s fiancé – kim doyoung.

sicheng spotted taeil first, and if he wasn’t mistaken, sicheng’s face shone even brighter. “ ilie hyung !” he greeted and went to the older to pull him into a hug. “ I missed you. I’m so glad you made it. I missed you so much .” and then his voice dropped a few octaves, whispering right into taeil’s ear. “ I still love you, hyung. it’s always you. only you .”

taeil let go first, genuine smile on his face. he felt like a jerk for being happy over hearing such words from a man who was engaged, but he couldn’t care less.

doyoung joined them after, hands on sicheng’s waist and sicheng looked up to him with a smile. “ so this is moon taeil ,” he said in a friendly tone as he pulled his fiancé closer to him. “ I have heard so much about you. the queen said you’re quite close with the royals, and you’re very talented in swordsfighting .”

“ he’s also my bodyguard, doyo !”

_oh? doyo?_

“ of course, my prince ,” doyoung chuckled. “ thank you for taking care of my sicheng, hyung .”

he didn’t like how doyoung said ‘my’ sicheng.

taeil forced a smile and excused himself to his room. but his freedom didn’t last long as he was asked to join the royals for dinner. throughout the few hours, he could feel sicheng's stare right at him, making him go crazy. it didn’t help that doyoung was such a kind man, and it made taeil feel bad.

oh, but the way sicheng kissed him after midnight made him feel very, very good.

“ I missed you so much, hyung ,” the younger whispered, voice hoarse from all the kissing. taeil noticed the silver ring adorning his fourth finger. “ I thought I was gonna die when they told me you injured your leg. haven’t I told you to be careful ?”

“ you have .” taeil smiled and ran his hands through sicheng’s hair. the room was dark, only illuminated by the moon through the windows, and sicheng’s bare body on his bed felt like silk. “ I’m very sorry, my prince .”

“ make up for it, then .”  
sicheng got up and hovered on top of taeil, sitting on his laps. he leaned down and kissed taeil again, while the older took a grip on his waist and slowly moved their hips together, grinding in unison. taeil seemed to forget sicheng was no longer an innocent young prince, but he didn’t complain.

“ I love you, ilie .” sicheng said again for the nth time that night.

that night was the last. as much as taeil loved sicheng, he couldn’t bear the burden of being with someone he can’t have. and he couldn’t deny how fond sicheng’s eyes were when he looked at doyoung, and vice versa. it’s obvious they were meant for each other. taeil didn’t want to get in the way.

so he left, the night after the wedding. after congrulating sicheng and his husband, and ignoring the younger’s pleas and cries of ‘please stay’, he moved to another country: china.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

china wasn’t that bad. though taeil had no knowledge of the language when he got there, in 1990 he already mastered it, thanks to the kind stranger he met, kun, who soon became his good friend.

kun was a music teacher who taught kids classical music. he knew how to play violin, and taeil thought he played rather beautifully. music was in kun’s veins, ran through his blood, stayed rent-free in his mind no matter how much he told taeil he was only ‘mediocre’ (which, clearly, is a big lie).

taeil helped him sometimes. he himself had a beautiful voice, so sometimes he sang with the kids. usually they close at 9, but tonight kun decided to close it an hour earlier.

“ let’s go to the club ,” kun had suggested as he put his coat on. “ a famous singer and a pianist will be there tonight .”

it was bizarre to taeil at first, since kun hated going to the club, but it soon made sense when he explained about his motives. clearly kun was a sucker for all things music and he couldn’t miss his chance seeing a famous singer and a pianist live.

the club was secluded. it was mostly filled with men, though there was at least a dozen of women he spotted. kun ordered them a bottle of vodka, but taeil didn’t touch his glass at all.

“ you’d love the pianist. he’s a prodigy, gifted since born. played mozart, bizet and beethoven lots of time. when he played rachmaninov number two in c minor, his audience left in shambles .”

“ kun, my great friend, you know I don’t speak music .”

kun laughed. “ it’s a shame, taeil, with a voice like yours you could’ve make it big .”

taeil doubted that. being famous was too risky when you’re an immortal. but kun hadn’t have to know.

the club was dark, only the dim stage lights being the only source of light. taeil finally took a sip of his vodka. it was a bit bitter, but felt cold at the back of his throat. when a familiar voice greeted his eardrums, he instantly looked up, eyes widen. on the stage, stood next to the pianist taeil assumed, was sicheng, beautiful in a red off-shoulder dress. his lashes are long and fluttering, lips coated in a shade of coral pink, and taeil noticed he also wore a pair of high heels.

what a small world.

“ si – sicheng ?” the name slipped out from taeil’s tongue before he can stop it.

“ you know him ?” kun asked, amused. “ dong sicheng, the greatest singer of the century. you know how pricy his tickets are? but with a face and voice like that, it makes sense. he’s literally the eighth wonder of the world .”

“ how did the club owner get him to agree to perform ?”

“ oh, he didn’t, but you see, ten is friendly with jaehyun. jaehyun’s the pianist ,” kun nods towards the man next to sicheng. he looked sicheng’s age, and very good-looking, handsome in his tux with his black hair styled into a comma. “ the point is, jaehyun and sicheng come into a package. if ten succeeded in convincing jaehyun, sicheng would agree, too .”

taeil felt the bitter aftertaste of vodka in his mouth. “ are they… an item ?”

“ not exactly. rumors say so, but it could be some sort of publicity. none of them ever gave an official statement, though jaehyun does look like sicheng’s boyfriend at times .”  
before taeil could say something, the soft song of a piano filled the room. kun was right, jaehyun was a prodigy. he played very well, like his fingers were meant for the black and white keys, playing them with little to no effort yet still created a beautiful lullaby.

but taeil could only focus on sicheng. as kun said, it’s no wonder why he’s the greatest singer of the century. his voice was kin to an angel’s. taeil froze when it came to the chorus. he only zoned in back to reality when the song finished, but at the time the audience already gave them a big applause and jaehyun and sicheng were out of the stage.

there’s no way sicheng just sung their song.

taeil felt like it’s a weird déjà vu, even after all these years. and he knew, he needed to talk to sicheng whatever it takes.

“ what do you think ?” kun asked, grinning. “ they’re wonderful, aren’t they? a great team .”

“ what song was that ?”

“ an exclusive one, I think. ten said sicheng wrote it himself ,” kun replied. “ we’re lucky to be the first ones to hear it .”

that’s the confirmation taeil needed. “ I need to go to the restroom .”

“ okay. don’t take too long .”

taeil headed for the washroom at first, but he switched ways real quick when he’s sure no one was looking. he tried to find sicheng at the star’s changing rooms, but there was no luck, so he went out through the back door.

he halted in his steps when he heard people arguing. taeil considered himself as a decent human being and didn’t want to eavesdrop, but he realized it was actually sicheng, with jaehyun, so he stayed in his position. although he couldn’t hear what they were going on about, sicheng looked very displeased. jaehyun tried to calm him down but the shorter told him to leave, so he did, remorsely so.

taeil watched as sicheng took a cigarette out of his wallet and lit it up, taking a long drag before he huffed. the night sky was clear, and taeil hadn’t feel this way for 37 years, the way his heartbeat accelerated with every step he took towards the chinese.

sicheng looked too deep in his thoughts to notice taeil. taeil kept a safe distance between them and pocketed his hands into his coat as it was rather breezy. taking a deep breathe, he spoke.

“ you have a lovely voice .”

snapped out of his thoughts, sicheng barely glanced at taeil. “ thank you .” he took another drag and sighed. “ though some other person thought I was lacking. can you believe that ?” it was clear sicheng talked about jaehyun. 

“ I do not .”

“ me neither. he has his head stucked up in his own arse. if he thought I lack, he could gladly find another person to work with him .”

“ do you know why he didn’t, then ?”

“ I do not ,” sicheng threw the half-lit cig to the ground and crushed it with his heels. “ but if he doesn’t, then he better shut up about my vocal skills. I know what I’m doing .”

“ I think you do. your singing is one of the best I’ve ever heard, and I heard you composed the song yourself .”

“ in matter of fact, I did .”

“ I like it .”

“ thank you, kind stranger .” sicheng smiled. taeil noticed how he shuddered against the wind, so he took his coat off and draped it on the chinese. “ oh, you’re such a gentleman. I’m sorry for ranting to you. I can’t stand jaehyun sometimes .”

“ it’s okay. I’m happy to be all ears .”

“ I’m afraid I didn’t catch your name, gentleman .”

taeil returned his smile. “ I’m taeil .”

“ taeil ,” sicheng parroted, smiling when taeil gave him a nod of approval. “ so, you’re not from here ?”

“ I’m not. I’m from south korea, actually .”

“ a lovely country. I’m heading there overmorrow, actually, for another concert .”

“ that quick? such a shame we can’t see each other again .”

“ jaehyun’s a dick when it comes to scheduling ,” sicheng sighed. “ but I beg to differ with your last statement. I’d like to meet you again .”

“ me either .”

sicheng unzipped his wallet and took something out. it was a pendant, heart-shaped, coated in real gold. taeil almost couldn’t believe his eyes.

“ here, keep it .”

“ no, sicheng, I can’t –“

“ take it ,” sicheng insisted. “ for being my ears tonight. I appreciate someone like you, taeil, so take it so you won’t forget me .”

it went without saying taeil would never forget sicheng, but he took it anyways. the pendant’s light in his hands, and also shiny; he kept it in his pocket. 

“ it’s pretty .”

sicheng nodded. “ when you’re a pretty boy, you get a handful of these ,” he paused and smiled. “ don’t worry, though, that one’s from my grandma, not some creep .”

“ if it’s from your grandma, why did you give it to me ?”

“ she gave it to me so I won’t forget her, along with a lot of other things, so in the end I really couldn’t forget her, not when all of her things became mine. so don’t worry .”

“ I am honored. thank you, sicheng .”

“ don’t mention it. it’s just a small gift since you listened to my ramble and warmed me up .”

“ oh, but I should thank you, really. it’s not every night I get to listen to a pretty singer rambling .”

sicheng giggled. “ please, don’t make me think you’re one of those creeps .”

“ I am being honest .” taeil grinned. god knows how much he missed sicheng’s laugh.

being in sicheng’s company that night wasn’t bad at all. sicheng opened up to him in less than an hour, and taeil already knew about how he started his career, his past relationships, his grandma, and his pet cat lily. it seems like sicheng was still a sucker for cats and lilies.

taeil also discovered sicheng’s still obsessed with books. he’s glad to know although no matter how much times sicheng had reincarnated and how many years had passed, he’s still the one and very same.

this was their fifth time stargazing together, if taeil didn’t lost count.

“ if I wasn’t a singer, I’d be a writer ,” he confessed, craning up his head to stare at the moon with a fond look. it reminded taeil of the way he used to look at doyoung, and he wondered what happened to doyoung and youngho and taeyong. “ I’d learn a lot of languages and write books using all of them. I don’t want languages to be a barrier for people not to hear what I have to tell .” 

“ you still can write, you know, despite being a singer .”

“ I can, but it’s a lot of work. I could barely get my nails done, let alone to sit and get a book done. but I do write for fun .”

“ do you mind if I read one of your pieces ?”

sicheng rubbed his nape, shy. “ ah. but none of them are complete at the moment, though .”

“ that’s okay. writers rarely have any complete pieces. sometimes published books are also incomplete stories .”

sicheng turned to him and smiled. if it’s possible, his smile outshone the billion stars on top of them. taeil’s heart almost jumped out of its cage.

“ very well. I may e-mail one of them to you, if I have the time .”

“ I’d be happy to be all eyes, then .”

sicheng giggled. his laugh was soft, like bubbles. it’s a song taeil could listen to all day long, every day, and the more he stared at sicheng, the more he realized how much he truly missed his boyfriend.

he took sicheng’s hand and rubbed his thumb over sicheng’s knuckles. sicheng let him, as he hummed a song and continued to look at the sky. his hands were cold, and without thinking twice, taeil pressed a soft kiss on top of it.

sicheng looked surprised, but not offended. taeil smiled apologetically. “ your hand is very cold .”

“ indeed ,” sicheng smirked. “ my lips are, too .”

taeil wasn’t a stranger to such words. he took the green light without any hesitation; leaning in and smashed their lips together almost hungrily. sicheng grabbed his collar and deepened the kiss, moaning into taeil’s mouth when the older slid his tongue into sicheng’s own cavern.

his hands roamed through sicheng’s body and they stopped on sicheng’s bare shoulders. taeil rubbed his fingers against sicheng’s smooth skin, feeling the body he missed dearly under his touch, and sicheng rested his hands on taeil’s chest. he’s sure sicheng could feel how fast his heart was beating.

when they pull back, some of sicheng’s lipstick stayed on taeil’s lips. he giggled and tried to wipe them away but taeil gripped his hand, stopping him.

“ it’s okay, it’s not every night I get to make out with a pretty singer .”

“ chessy, aren’t you ?” sicheng smiled again and kissed taeil’s cheek. “ I like you, gentleman .”

it’s not a love confession, obviously, and they’ve only met for a few hours, but for taeil it meant everything to him. he missed sicheng so much he couldn’t even put it into words. but fate is cruel, and they have only so little time together.

the door creaked and they both whipped their head towards it. jaehyun came out, looking a bit surprised to see sicheng’s company.

“ ah. I’m sorry, I hope I’m not interfering .” his voice is even deeper than what taeil thought. a very charming man, indeed, and it made taeil’s stomach churned to think sicheng had been spending his life with this man.

sicheng didn’t even bother to spare him a glance. “ you are .”

“ you’re not ,” taeil shot jaehyun a pity smile, earning himself a glare from sicheng. “ I have to excuse myself now, sicheng .”

despite the prominent sad look on his face, sicheng didn’t stop him. when taeil walked away, he could see jaehyun approaching the chinese on the corner of his eyes, and he stopped by the door when jaehyun spoke up.

“ are you going to sulk for the rest of the night ?”

“ well, why, jaehyun, yes I am .”

jaehyun sighed softly. he lifted the younger’s chin and guided sicheng’s head towards him. the chinese deadpanned him. “ I’m sorry, chengie, I really am. I didn’t mean to look down on you. you’re the best singer I’ve ever known, and you have a really beautiful voice, please don’t be mad at me. you know I can’t stand it .”

“ do you mean it, or are you just saying it so I will forgive you? I’m tired with your bullshit, jaehyun, why don’t you just find other person to fuck around with .”

“ baby, how many times do I have to tell you? I’m not fucking around with you. I genuinely, truly, sincerely like you .”

taeil felt the same pain in his chest, the one he first got when sicheng told him he was marrying doyoung.

“ I’m sorry. forgive me ?”

taeil could hear how sicheng’s voice evidently softened. “ alright. but I’m tired. get me home .”

he pictured jaehyun grinning as he took sicheng’s hand and helped him to stand up. taeil wondered if the rumors about them were true. he didn’t stay any longer after that. when he returned, he apologized to kun for the wait. good thing ten kept him company.

inside the pendant, taeil found sicheng’s e-mail address. they kept in contact whenever sicheng wasn’t busy. and as promised, sicheng linked him some of his writings. those are very good and taeil enjoyed reading them on his ample time.

to his surprise, sicheng wrote a story about how an immortal fell in love with reincarnations of his past lover. the story was never finished.

soon enough, they fell out of contact when taeil decided to help kun out full-time and sicheng busied himself with a lot of concerts. the rumors remained as rumors, but taeil witnessed it with his own eyes to know.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

it surprised taeil he found sicheng again, ten years later, but of course, it was another reincarnation of his.

they live in the same block of the same apartment, so they bump into each other a lot of times. sicheng always wear a cute pair of round spectacles, a green cardigan, and he always smiled politely when his eyes met taeil’s in the hallways. to taeil’s delight, he always carried a shit ton of books every time he saw him.

they could be considered as friendly, and taeil sometimes cooked for him. sicheng ate whatever he gave to him with no rebuttals, and he looked as happy as ever when taeil gave him food, but he was still thin. it worried taeil sometimes, but sicheng always told him he was okay.

today they didn’t bump at the aparment, though. it was a snowy day, so taeil decided to eat lunch at a nearby café, which also had a built-in library. he spotted sicheng in one of the tables at the back, concentrated in writing something in a book.

after getting his decaf latte, taeil made his way straight to where sicheng sat. sicheng looked up, his spectacles falling down to the bridge of his nose, and flashed a smile at taeil as he lifted it up back. 

“ good afternoon, hyung .” he greeted. taeil noticed the table was full with books and more books, no food in sight.

“ good afternoon, sichengie ,” he sipped his coffee. “ haven’t you eaten ?”

“ ah, no. I’m going to finish writing this chapter first .” 

taeil nudged him, smiling. “ when are you ever going to let me read your stories, kid ?”

“ I mean… I don’t mind ,” sicheng tapped his pen on the table and shyly smiled. “ but they’re really bad, hyung .”

“ nonsense. I love the poem you gave to me last week, I can’t wait to read actual stories. tell me when you’re ready and I’ll gladly help them .”

“ thank you, hyung .” sicheng flashed him another smile. “ what about you, have you eaten ?”

“ I haven’t. should we have lunch together ?”

“ sure. I’m also starving, to be honest .”

sicheng was about to stand up but taeil stopped him. “ wait here. I’ll order us something .”

the lunch was pleasant, to say at the least. sicheng filled his in about the stories he was working on and about the ones he’s supposed to write for his college works. taeil smiled knowingly when he found out one of them was about a prince who fell in love with his bodyguard.

after lunch, taeil helped sicheng to carry his books to his apartment, although the younger told him he didn’t have to. but since he was going to read one of sicheng’s art anyways, he insisted. sicheng’s apartment was really nice and neat. his shelf and windowsill were filled with succulents, the color baby blue and white being prominent in his living room, and there was a built-in tv on his wall.

sicheng’s apartment smelt like a café, due to his housemate’s hobby of baking. when sicheng told him to make himself at home, taeil plopped down into the couch, crossing his legs as he did so. he felt something furry on his feet and smiled when he realized it was pumpkins, sicheng’s tabby cat.

he picked the cat up, much to pumpkin’s dismay. “ hello there, baby girl !~” he cooed, and sicheng giggled from the kitchen. “ hey, how come are you so fat yet your papa is still thin ?”

“ don’t judge my baby, hyung ,” sicheng said as he joined taeil on the sofa, placing two mugs of green tea on the coffee table in front of them. pumpkins jumped from taeil’s embrace to sicheng’s laps and her owner patted her head. “ pumpkin is very much healthy, thank you, and she keeps me sane when I’m writing .”

“ will you ever consider keeping a dog ?” taeil asked, although the answer is clear.

“ never ,” sicheng scrunched his nose. “ bella alone drove me crazy. she’s so energetic, demanding for walks and treats all the time, but I’m too tired to keep up with her. pumpkin here is more elegant and quiet .”

pumpkin purred in agreement. taeil laughed, stroking her fur. bella was lucas’s – sicheng’s housemate – dog. she’s just as energetic and enthusiastic as her owner was, much to sicheng’s displease, because it’s hard for an introvert to keep up with not one, but two ball of sunshines.

speaking of the devil(s), the front door was pushed open with a loud bang. lucas walked in, presumably from a walk, with bella in tow. he also had a paper bag of groceries in his hands.

“ sichengie, I’m back !” he exclaimed. “ oh, hi, taeil hyung !”

“ hi .” taeil returned his smile and ruffled bella’s fur when the dog climbed up to him. unlike pumpkin, she’s fond with taeil.

“ did you get the eggs and milk? please tell me you got sugar. I can not drink black coffee .”

“ calm down, babe, I got ‘em .”

lucas placed the bag on the kitchen island and reached over to leave a peck on top of sicheng’s head. sicheng pressed a tight smile at him and watched carefully as he sorted out the groceries, as if afraid lucas’s clumsy ass will mess up.

oh, didn’t taeil mention? lucas wasn’t just sicheng’s housemate, he was also sicheng’s boyfriend.

at this point, taeil should’ve give up already, but he’s sure there must be a reason fate kept bringing them back together like this. that there must be a reason why he’s immortal, and why he kept seeing sicheng’s reincarnations in the chinese’s every lifes.

he hoped fate wasn’t that cruel for doing this just to break taeil’s heart over and over again.

taeil’s snapped back to reality when he felt sicheng’s hand on top of his thigh. “ hyung, you okay ?”

“ uh ?” he blinked. “ oh. u – um, I’m okay. just thinking .”

“ oh, before I forget, taeil hyung ~” lucas called out from the kitchen in his sing-song voice. it could only mean one thing. “ rinae from level 7 kept asking me about you .” taeil shrunk in his seat. his guess was right. “ can you stop ignoring that poor woman and ask her out already ?”

rinae was another resident of the apartment. she’s nice, really, liked to sew and worked as a dance instructor for kids. a little pushy yet taeil didn’t think it of as a bad thing. but he’d appreciate it if she’ll take a damn hint.

the thing was, taeil couldn’t tell lucas he didn’t like her because taeil’s into his boyfriend.

“ stop forcing hyung, xuxi ,” sicheng spoke up for him. “ hyung told us he didn’t like her, then let him be. she’ll find someone for her soon enough .”

“ I’m just being nice, babe. I’m not forcing him .”

“ mind your own business, will you ?”

before the couple could drag the argument any longer, taeil decided to butt in. “ it’s okay, guys. I appreciate the effort, lucas, but sicheng’s right. thank you for the tea, by the way, but I should get going .”

“ already? but you haven’t taste my newest cookies yet !” lucas refuted.

“ hyung, better run if you don’t want to get food poisoning ,” sicheng said and nuzzled his nose against pumpkin’s wet ones. bella pawed at his thigh and cooed; and sicheng, despite not being a dog person, did the same with her. taeil smiled at the sight. “ his newest recipe tastes like weed .”

“ I heard that, babe! and how could you say that when you never even saw weed in real life ?”

“ maybe some other time, lucas .” taeil offered lucas a reassuring smile and the younger replied with a grin. “ I’ll get going now. see you guys later .”

_few weeks later._

it was snowing again that night, and taeil decided to stay in. he sat by the window, watching the snow drop to the ground, a book in his hands and a cup of hot chocolate next to him. the room smelt like the lavender candle he lit last night.

on the coffee table, sat a half-empty jar of cookies. it was lucas’s newest recipe. as opposed to sicheng’s words, it didn’t taste like weed at all, just a bit minty, and taeil loved it. almost reminded him of the taste of sicheng’s mouth.

he hated himself for still wanting sicheng although he knew for well sicheng is lucas’s boyfriend, not his.

there was a faint knock on the door. taeil glanced to his clock and quirked a brow. it was nine p.m., and he wasn’t expecting anyone, who could it be?

when he opened the door, it revealed sicheng, fluffy red scarf over his shoulder as red as his puffy eyes. taeil’s eyes widen as golf balls at the sight but didn’t ask anything as he let sicheng in. he guided sicheng to the couch and the younger curled up there almost immediately. it broke taeil’s heart, to see the tears streaming down sicheng’s cheeks, just like when he left him for china.

“ what happened, sichengie ?” he asked, voice as soft as blowing dandelions, and it made sicheng cry harder.

“ he – hyung, I can’t – why did he do this to me ?”

taeil lifted his chin and wiped his tears away using his thumbs. sicheng looked like a mess, a beautiful one but a mess nonetheless, and taeil felt the pain in his chest growing.  
“ sicheng, tell me what happened .”

“ we – we got into a fight and he – he said he didn’t love me anymore …” sicheng sobbed out. “ but hyu – hyung, I can’t live without him …”

_I could not live without you._

taeil pulled him into a hug, stroking sicheng’s hair gently, as if the younger’s a gem he was afraid to break. the couple got into arguments a lot of time but never once did he saw sicheng so heartbroken like this. and although it hurt to admit, he knew lucas only said it out of anger. it’s evident from the way he stares at sicheng, so full with love and warmth.  
but people are stupid when they’re in love. taeil understood, for he had been there a lot of times. like now.

“ it’s okay, sicheng, he didn’t mean it .”

“ he di – did, hyung, he looked so serious …”

“ tell me, did he tried to chase after you? called your name? tried to apologize ?”

a pause. sicheng stopped whimpering and looked up to taeil, and as simple as that, taeil felt his heart palpitated.

“ he did… he tried to stop me but I didn’t listen .”

“ see? he only did it because he was mad. he didn’t mean it. people say things they don’t mean when they’re angry, it’s normal .”

“ but… I don’t wanna see him. at least not today .”

“ then, you can stay here ,” taeil ruffled the younger’s hair. “ I’ll get you something to change to, and you can sleep in my room .”

sicheng smiled. “ thank you, hyung .”

taeil’s room was arguably neater than sicheng’s, but duller in comparison of color. his room was painted in grey of all shades and bits of white. even his bedsheets were just plain black.

although sicheng’s way taller than taeil, fortunately taeil’s biggest clothes fit on him like a charm. taeil gave him a XL hoodie (that seemed like a S fit on sicheng) and a pair of sweatpants. enough to keep sicheng warm for the night.

though he had to admit, seeing sicheng in his clothes again sent a feeling of warmth into his chest.

the taller lied in his bed, eyes heavy and yawned for the nth time as taeil turned the lights off. he chuckled and ruffled sicheng’s hair, whispering a good night and was about to leave when sicheng grabbed his wrist.

“ where – where are you going ?”

“ I’m gonna sleep at the living room ,” taeil replied. “ don’t wanna bother you .”

“ but the bed’s huge enough for both of us, hyung .”

taeil was weak for sicheng’s puppy eyes and he could’ve just agreed. but taeil was a man, and man has needs, although he hates to admit it, and needs could drive someone to be an animal. he didn’t want to take advantages of sicheng when the younger clearly needed him.

“ but sicheng –“  
before he can refute again, sicheng yanked him onto the bed in one swift motion. taeil blinked, dumbfounded, but sicheng was already snuggling into his chest at the time. a wave of emotions came to him at the same time and for a while he felt as if he couldn’t breathe.

“ I can’t sleep alone .” sicheng mumbled, and taeil refrained from kissing him.

sicheng’s pink hair smelt like strawberries. the way he wrapped his arm around taeil as if taeil’s his bolster made the older malfunctioned. and for the sake of taeil’s well-being, he ignored how their things rubbed together. once he adjusted and got comfy, he reached his hand over to stroke sicheng’s hair again. the younger had closed his eyes by now, but taeil knew he’s still awake by the way he rubbed circles on taeil’s side.

“ how’s your story so far ?” taeil asked, breaking the content silence.

“ which one, hyung? I have like, ten works-in-progress .”

“ the one where the prince fell for his bodyguard ,” he replied. “ I like that one .”

“ me too. but it’s pretty hard to write because the setting is in korea but my korean isn’t that good to accurately describe things. I feel like I’m not doing the story any justice with my awful writing .”

taeil pinched his cheek. “ your writing is awesome, kid, don’t say that .”

“ the problem is I like that story but I want to write it in chinese but the story’s set in korea !”

“ someone wise once told me, languages shouldn’t be a barrier for people not to hear what one have to tell. write that story, and I’ll see how I can help you. in case you forgot, I’m good at chinese .”

“ right ,” sicheng snuggled closer into taeil’s chest. “ thank you, hyung .”

and taeil decided, even if he can’t be with sicheng, maybe being there for him would be enough.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

out of all the 699 years he lived through, 2020 is the worst for taeil.

first the issue about racism, colorism, the fire in australia, the issue about concentration camps in china, the lebanon bombing, and of course: the pandemic. he never felt a year so hectic like this. but of course, there was a bright side to it.

why, you ask? well… when he had decided he was bored and didn’t know what to do with his life anymore, he decided to apply for college, and guess who he got to be roommates with?

that’s right, dong sicheng.

sicheng’s major was creative writing while taeil majors in music, so their schedules clash a lot of times and don’t get to see each other often, but due to the pandemic, they have to spend most of the times in their dorm now.

the thing is: from the many sichengs he loved – from the simple to the elegant to the quiet one – has turn to a college student with lots of crippling debts and social anxiety. nonetheless, taeil still loves him.

“ sicheng ,” taeil sighs at the view upon him. “ I told you to stop baking, you’ll burn the whole room !”

sicheng, who now has brown eyes and black hair, pouts at him as he takes his mittens off. the tray full of burnt cookies lied on the counter, untouched. “ but hyung, I’m bored !”

“ we all are, kid, but not everyone is trying to burn their houses in the midst of this pandemic. clean this up or I’m not cooking dinner .”

“ but hyung –”

“ no .” taeil answers firmly. as much as he loves sicheng, he has had enough of cleaning the mess sicheng created. 

not sparing another glance because he knows he would give in if he does, he leaves for the living room. the tv is on and the news showed the recent statistics of covid-19. taeil grimaces when he sees the numbers skyrocketing high, and turns it off before sicheng sees. it’s not good for his anxiety.

sicheng’s not the cleanest roommate to ever exist. at least, not this one. the proof is his textbooks all over the tiny coffee table they share, and taeil has to stack his mug of coffee on top of it. 

their living room is small, barely fits a bookshelf and a couch, but they manage. sicheng doesn’t like skinship but he’s fine with squishing himself on taeil if it means he doesn’t have to sit on the cold wooden floor.

when sicheng joins him, a pout is still glued on his lips, and he lied down without saying anything to taeil. since his body is literally longer than the couch itself, he puts his legs on top of taeil’s laps, not giving a damn as he does so. taeil raises a brow at his attitude.

but sicheng pays him no mind and whips his phone out to play among us. he tried to get taeil to play it too, but taeil thought it was too scary. sicheng called him a pussy.  
well, taeil wanted to call him a pussy because he’s too scared of answering a phonecall, but decides against it since that was a low blow. sicheng didn’t ask for his anxiety. nobody does.

“ are you seriously going to sulk just because I refuse to clean your mess ?”

“ yes ,” sicheng answers without missing a beat. “ you know I don’t like water !”

taeil smiles. sicheng begins to act like a cat, having living with them all his life(s). (un)fortunately the college adminstration didn’t allow pets or taeil’s sure he would bring his cat, too.

“ are you still going to sulk if I let you choose what I’ll cook tonight ?”

sicheng has never whipped his head up so fast. “ really ?”

“ mhm. just tell me and I’ll cook it .”

“ steamed beef buns! I haven’t had it so long and I missed my mom’s. they’re so tasty .”

a wave of déjà vu hits taeil, and he grins. he nods and rubs circles on sicheng’s ankle. inside, he wonders if this year will finally be the year they’d reunite.

taeil has asked. sicheng doesn’t have any boyfriend, or exes, or someone he likes, and he’s certain no one likes him. it might be silly but taeil thinks it’s safe to hope.  
out of all sudden, sicheng sits up, and taeil jumps in his seat. sicheng’s face is too close to him and he could just hear the dirty thoughts in his mind but chooses to push them away.

“ hyung ,” he starts. “ I forgot that I had to translate a book for one of my classes. can you help me? you know my korean isn’t that good, and you’re good at chinese, so …”

“ sure. when is it due ?”

“ two days from now on .”

taeil nods. “ then we can work on it after dinner .”

sicheng grins, the genuine smile of his that made taeil fall in love over and over again. to taeil’s surprise, sicheng cups his cheeks and leaves a peck on his left one. it was brief yet enough to drive taeil crazy.

“ thanks, hyung !”

with that, sicheng gets up and leaves for his room. taeil could see how red his ears are, and a smile leaves his face.

_time-skip, few days after that._

today didn’t feel right. sicheng’s acting up, and taeil doesn’t know why. he seems down all day and when taeil asks, he would say he’s okay but they both know he’s not. taeil’s worried it has something to do with his mental health, but he doesn’t push.

until that night, when he accidentally walked in on sicheng silently crying on his pillows.

“ hey, sich – oh my god, I’m so sorry !” his loud voice makes sicheng flinches and that makes taeil feels gultier. “ I’m so sorry, I’ll leave now –“

like a déjà vu, sicheng grabs him before he could leave and sinks his head into taeil’s chest. taeil is too stunned to even react. his shirt’s wet from sicheng’s tears but he doesn’t care. all he cares about right now is what made sicheng cry this hard.

taeil doesn’t ask anything. he only hold sicheng soft and mellow, whispering sweet nothings in his ears to calm him down. though he has dealt with lot of sichengs before, he never expected to see this one cry – because this sicheng is secretive, always keeping his problems away from taeil, and acting tough although he’s down.

taeil feels bad for not knowing what got to sicheng this badly and he feels bad for not getting to stop it.

sicheng pulls back when he calms down, sobbing and hiccuping. “ sorry ,” he said. “ I ruined your shirt .”

“ it’s okay, sicheng, it’s just a shirt ,” taeil smiles reassuringly. “ do you want to talk about it, or do you want me to distract you from it ?”

“ let’s… let’s talk about it .”

“ okay. why did you cry, sicheng ?”

“ I don’t know ,” sicheng answers truthfully. “ I really don’t know, hyung –” he looks like he’s about to cry again but pulls himself together quickly. “ I just get overwhelmed, I guess… I feel so useless. I’m tired, despite not doing anything. I can’t sleep, and I lose appetite nowadays. I miss my mom and my family, too …”

“ are you homesick, sicheng ?”

“ partially. sometimes. living in a foreign country is scary .” 

“ I know, sicheng, I understand. I lived in china .”

sicheng’s brows piqued up. “ really? when ?”

“ in 1990 .” taeil answers with a straight face. sicheng giggles.

“ you weren’t even born !”

“ okay, not me, but my grandfather .” he lies. “ but he met a pretty singer while he was there. they couldn’t be together but he told me about him. the singer reminds me of you .”

“ why ?”

“ well, for one, he’s pretty .”

this earns taeil a smack on his shoulder. they both laughed, and the tense atmopshere grows thin.

“ and he wanted to be a writer… just like you .”

sicheng’s smile wavers. “ I don’t know, hyung, that seems impossible now. haven’t you seen the news? a lot of people lost their jobs, and they had stable ones, hyung. writing isn’t a stable job .”

“ okay, first off all, didn’t I tell you not to watch the news ?”

“ pretending as if they don’t exist doesn’t magically make them disappear, hyung .”

“ sheesh, I know, kid, but it’s not good for your anxiety !” it was his turn to (gently) smack sicheng’s shoulder. “ and if you want to write, then do it. if you want a stable job, then get one, but write as long as you want. write for the love of it, not for money .”

“ I tried, hyung, but… how do I even say this? everything feels useless, hyung. I feel like I’m not even doing any progress. I’m tired .”

taeil caresses sicheng’s cheek with a sad smile and lifts his chin up. the room was dark, but sicheng’s eyes are shining and bright. he didn’t want them to fade.

“ am I even valid, hyung ?” sicheng sounds so fragile, so broken that it makes taeil feel like peppering kisses all over his face.

“ yes, sicheng, of course you are. please don’t ever question it again .”

“ but I’m useless. I have no future. I’m ugly. everyone hates me. I’m stupid –“

“ you’re beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, adorable, magnificent, a god’s masterpiece, smart, witty, lovable, and you’re an angel. you’re valid. you’re important. you’re loved. don’t say such things again, okay? no one thinks so negatively of you but yourself, kid .”

“ but hyung, it –” sicheng’s breath gets caught in his throat. “ it hurts …”

“ it’s okay. this year is tiring, I know, but it’s okay. you might feel tired and anxious and sad and you feel bad for not doing anything productive but it’s okay. just being alive is enough .” taeil strokes sicheng’s hair and drops his voice to a whisper. “ but do know you’re not alone. I’m here with you .”

_always had been, always will be._

sicheng manages a tiny smile and rests his head on taeil’s shoulder. he didn’t say anything for the next few minutes but taeil doesn’t mind; he kept caressing sicheng’s back to reassure him everything’s gonna be okay.

it scares him to know the inside of sicheng’s brain is such a dark place, making sicheng feels isolated and so full with self-loathe, and taeil’s determined to change that.

when he speaks, sicheng’s voice is barely above a whisper. “ do you mean that, hyung ?”

“ of course, sicheng ,” taeil nods with no hesitation. “ even after 700 years, I’ll still be with you .”

“ even if I say ,” sicheng pauses, his hands traveling up to taeil’s waist. “ that I love you ?”

it’s an indeed quiet night, yet suddenly taeil feels everything is too loud out of all sudden. he could hear the cars down below, could hear the wind through sicheng’s half-opened windows brushing against the curtains, he could hear the dorm next door watching a football tournament on their tv.

even after 700 years, never once did he grew tired of hearing those three words from sicheng.

he cups sicheng’s cheeks and lifts sicheng’s face up. his fingers brush against sicheng’s porcelain skin, his eyes staring at sicheng’s with hearts in them. and then, he felt it again.  
the butterflies.

everything came back like a wave. sicheng, dressed in a blue flannel and overalls, leading taeil to the lilies field for a picnic date, hands in each other’s. sicheng, who dances like he was born for it, kissing him in the royal library and in his room, late at night, when his husband was sleeping. sicheng, whose voice is light as a feather, mesmerizing in his red dress, looking at the moon with such fondness. sicheng, covered in pumpkin’s fur every time taeil sees him, doting on bella although he claims to dislike dogs, flashing a grin when their eyes met.

all the sichengs who loved cats, lilies and the color white; all the sichengs he fell in love with.

“ will you still be with me even if I say I love you ?”

taeil smiles. “ especially so, sicheng .”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

september comes before taeil even realizes. the months before him had crawled by, especially march, which magically blended into august. he’s glad it’s september, though, august’s weather was rather humid and ugly.

it’s raining today. the soft pitter-patter of raindrops on their window wakes taeil up. an even softer smile decorates his face when he sees his boyfriend on top of his chest, sleeping beautifully with his legs tangled with taeil’s own.

sicheng loves rainy days, taeil remembers, as opposed to himself who loves sunny ones. he would beg for them to sleep all day long, only waking up to eat some hot meals to warm them up.

today wasn’t an exception.

“ morning to you too, sunshine ,” taeil presses a peck on sicheng’s temple when the younger grunts. “ wake up, sleepyhead, it’s ten .”

sicheng doesn’t even open his eyes, instead pulling taeil closer to him. “ no! I don’t have classes today …”

taeil grins. he misses having sicheng by his side like this, misses calling sicheng his own. even if he had to wait, those 700 years were really worth it.  
he decides to sneak away from sicheng’s embrace and gets up. the weather is indeed very suitable to sleep all day long, but taeil thinks it’s more suitable to finish the book he bought last weekend. 

grabbing his towel, he goes straight to the bathroom but doesn’t lock the door. he twists the tap on and washes his face, getting rid of the sleepiness. when he scans his face on the mirror, though, his eyes widen.

“ si – sicheng ?” he yells, suddenly excited. “ sicheng, baby !”

he gets another grunt as a reply. “ mhm ?”

realizing the younger won’t get up any time soon, taeil leaves the bathroom with a wide grin on his face. his boyfriend is still on the bed but now with one eye open, looking at taeil in confusion.

“ baby, baby, baby !~”

“ what is it, ilie? you’re making such a fuss .” 

“ look !” he points to his hair, and when sicheng narrows his eyes in much more confusion, he continues, “ a white hair !”

sicheng blinks, lifting a brow up – then sinks his head back into his pillow. “ what the actual hell, ilie? you’re old, it’s just a matter of time before you get a handful of those .”

taeil grins. he couldn’t care less to get offended by sicheng’s words, especially when it only makes him happier. he jumps onto the bed – making sicheng yelps and cusses in his mother tongue – and tackles his boyfriend.

sicheng tries to push him away but taeil pins him down and kisses him like there’s no tomorrow. it was sloopy, clumsy at first, but as sicheng cups his cheeks and returns it slowly, it becomes perfect. taeil smiles into the kiss and sicheng’s face reddens.

as expected, sicheng’s the first one to pull away. “ gross. we both still haven’t brush our teeth !”

“ I don’t care .” taeil grins again. “ I love you, baby .”

“ what’s wrong with you? are you high or what? what’s with the sudden enthusiasm ?”

sicheng doesn’t understand, but taeil doesn’t expect him to. and it’s okay. taeil wants to keep it to himself. explaining it to his boyfriend would make sicheng lose even more brain-cell.

instead, he reaches over to their one night-stand and pulls the top drawer open, taking a pendant out of it. it’s been 30 years, but since taeil took very good care of it, the pendant is still shiny and bright as ever.

“ I want to give you this ,” taeil says and shows the necklace to sicheng, who’s now sitting cross-legged. “ my grandpa gave it to me. but now it’s yours, so I’ll always be in your mind .”

sicheng studies the pendant as taeil gets up and puts it on him. he smiles and brushes his fingers against the heart, murmuring a soft ‘thank you’ to taeil, and kisses taeil’s cheeks.

“ is it our anniversary or something? you’re suddenly extra cheesy today .”

taeil smiles. matter of fact, it is their 600-something anniversary, but sicheng doesn’t have to know.

“ how could you forget? it’s our six months anniversary .” taeil pretends to sulk, and sicheng kisses his pout away.

“ really ?” sicheng scrunches his nose up. “ my deepest apologies, good sire. to make up for it, how about we go stargazing tonight ?”

“ I love to .” taeil kisses him again. his lips are never tired of the smoothness and warmth of sicheng’s skin. “ but just in case if we can’t because it rains, how about we –“

“ fuck ?” sicheng suggests, wiggling his eyebrows and smirking. taeil laughs.

“ I was about to say stay in and read, but sure, that too .”

“ mhm, sounds like a plan, but for now let me sleep .”

taeil thought he was kidding, but sicheng actually lied back, sinking his face deep into the pillows and covers himself with the blanket like a burrito. taeil’s favourite burrito.

“ you’re kidding !” taeil says, in disbelief.

“ nu-uh. have I ever joked about sleeping ?”

“ I can’t believe it. you can’t leave your husband alone on our anniversary day .”

sicheng lifts the covers up and winks. “ you’re welcome to join .”

“ no, thanks. I’m going to get productive today .”

“ but you know I can’t sleep alone .”

“ sounds like a you problem .” taeil smirks.

“ then ,” sicheng drags the word out. “ I guess you don’t mind sleeping alone tonight .”

that’s all it takes for taeil to finally join him, but not without a huff. sicheng giggles and pulls him closer, peppering kisses all over taeil’s face because he’s feeling like it. then when taeil’s about to kiss him back, he pushes his boyfriend away and smiled while murmuring ‘good night’.

taeil stares at him, heart in his eyes, while sicheng rests his head on top of taeil’s shoulder. his chest goes up and down in a steady movement, his long lashes covering his beautiful eyes which are still beautiful even while closed, and how his pink lips agape just a little to breathe out.  
it’s a sight exclusive for taeil and taeil only.

much to sicheng’s dismay, taeil pinches his cheek. “ to whom did I owe the honor to have such a beautiful boyfriend ?”

“ I’m about to dump you real quick if you don’t let me sleep in peace .” sicheng warns, but to no appeal. taeil only grins and kisses him again.

“ I love you, sicheng !” he whisper-yells, and sicheng can’t help but to smile.

“ I love you too ,” he murmurs. “ you give me strength, ilie .”

“ no, I don’t ,” taeil retorts. “ the strength was already within you, I helped you to discover it .”

“ how could I ever repay your kindness, my good sire ?”

“ you don’t have to, but, well, if you insist, for one: don’t dump me ,” sicheng giggles and nods. “ and maybe write about me ?”

“ bold of you to assume all my works aren’t about you .”

taeil feels like combusting. “ really? I can die in peace now .”

“ ilie, haven’t you heard? once a writer falls in love with you, you will never die .”

taeil smiles. maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not, but if so then he’ll keep doing what he’s best at; loving sicheng over and over again.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading <3 if you want, leave a comment and kudos and i'll love you forever  
> cross-posted on my wattpad : sillyseo


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